Showing posts with label Human Rights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Human Rights. Show all posts

Monday, October 6, 2014

Violence: is Just One, of Many Methods Used to Maintain Complete Control and Total Domination of Women.

Despite its great achievements, the Domestic Violence Revolution Is Stalled, Evan Stark argues, a provocative conclusion he documents by showing that Interventions Have Failed to improve women’s long-term safety in relationships or to hold perpetrators accountable.

Stark traces This Failure to terrifying detail how men a startling paradox, that the Singular Focus on Violence against women Masks an even More Devastating reality. In millions of abusive relationships, Men Use a largely unidentified form of Subjugation that more closely Resembles Kidnapping or Indentured Servitude than assault. He calls this pattern coercive control. Drawing on sources that range from FBI statistics and film to dozens of actual cases from his thirty years of experience as an award-winning researcher, advocate, and forensic expert, Stark shows:


"How Men Can Extend Their Dominance of Women, Over Time and    through Social Space in ways that Subvert Women’s Autonomy, Isolate Them, and Infiltrate the Most Intimate Corners of Her Life".   See more at: American Mothers Political Party 


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Violence:  Just One,  in the endless, and many, in combination with other methods, to Maintain Complete Control, and Total Domination of Women.


I was asked to do a video biography. This was one of the hardest things I have done. It was easy for myself to actually advocate and "just do" what needed to be done, when the time was right. But dig personally back into just myself, taking pieces and trying to timeline backwards, well it just didn't work that way for me. Perhaps it is too painful, perhaps because it does not feel whole without my sisters in unity. (I think that is it).

 Most of my sisters, know that I am on hiatus at the moment. I continue to seek answers, solutions and a wholeness to bring back to, and contribute along with my mothers and my sisters. You see, we all are in this together, our suffering is not just ours, it is humanity's. We know from "gut' instinct, and pure love of heart, that we must change the perception of domestic violence, because it is wrong in every sense.  We must somehow "UN-minimize” it and bring it back around to what it truly is. Because we know from our own personal journeys, that this IS a stripping of our very humanity, our autonomy, our very basic human right to our self.

Of course, October, (our only small, yet minimal, alleged time to speak) about some of the horrors, in the stripping of our humanity, just one of many used against us (violence). That one month, that twenty five years ago was set aside for the color purple, the color that no one "gets",  like the color "pink" does, on the backs of beverages and sugar packages in the stores. Regardless of the fact that the "Leading Cause of Death to Pregnant Women" is from the same dominating monsters/ property owners/fathers/so called intimate others/ boyfriends/husbands.


The Nazi's and the Slave Master’s,  impregnated women the same way. Yet, we remain very much imprisoned and bound by societies accepted cultural norms of treating women worse than cattle.

We are a class of people whose basic human rights to self, to freedom, to life,  have been and continue to be violated, not just by those "slave owners" who sought to dominate us in every aspect of our lives, but by an entire system and social culture that is so very accepting and supportive of the continued oppression of women and her children. One day what has happened to us, will go down in history as one of the worlds worst, mass human destruction.

We are not "domestic", we are not "dispute", we are not "high conflict", we are not just "violence", and we are certainly not "shared parenting" "alienation or any other psych term, coined to maintain control over women and children. Not unlike "draptomania" that was given to slaves when they wanted to be free of their masters. The solution was to beat them severely. Just as now, the solution is to take her children, and make her jump through decades of impossible hoops, to which we do, because of our children. In that strength and in that complete determination, our oppressors have under estimated us. Because you see, it is that very same drive that we will overcome, we will set ourselves free.

 After 20 long hard years, in the trenches, with mothers, my sisters, comrades and friends, who hold each other up, who are sure to never let any voice be silenced, I salute you!



[ohhh and p.s. I remain in my personal boycott of "Domestic Violence Awareness Month" for personal reasons, as I have, the past few years. I think that when WE and not the powers that be, create our own expression and our own truths and our own way to speak, without minimizing the totality of the treatment of women, then I shall sing from every roof top].




The Path Unpaved

(a poem for the Humanist's Path for Freedom & Human Rights)

I've walked this path alone so often,
I know it's form by heart.
And now, as always, my footing's unsure,
on its unstable and rocky start.

I second-guess each step I take,
for fear I'll slip and fall,
That one wrong step will lend me to,
an end that ends it all.

One misplaced foot, one careless word,
an avalanche begins;
The tug of war of heart and mind,
till one of them finally wins.

Each time I've walked this troubled path,
It’s ended  journey not together,
 Each time I fear that to walk it again,
will tear me apart forever.

I haven't the strength to walk it alone,
nor the energy, if only I knew..
As every time I take this route,
I fear it may be my last too.

I don't know how to stop the pain,
Of traveling down this road again.
I've fought it time and over,
only to start it over again.

Yet each and every day I persevere,
As I steady my Unstable start:
I know that only change can come
From all of Passions Heart.

So if I must, I’ll rest awhile.
Ignore the Siren song.
Take comfort in the truth I dare
Unshakably, I will try to stand eternally strong.

© AngelFury - 2005

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence Services: Understanding the Framework and Approach. Special Collection Complete Series now available on VAWnet

 

Be sure to visit VAWnet frequently, as more and more tools for best policies and methods are finally making way to assist in leveling the field for victims/survivors and their advocates in Interpersonal Family Violence (domestic violence, child abuse and trauma).

 

Source: VAW.net

 

Special Collection: Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence Services: Understanding the Framework and Approach (Part 1 of 3)

This is PART 1 of a 3-part collection that also includes Building Program Capacity (PART 2 of 3) and Developing Collaborations and Increasing Access (PART 3 of 3). PART 1 provides an overview of the framework and research supporting trauma-informed approaches to working with survivors and their children.  

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

This Special Collection was developed by the National Center on
Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health
(NCDVTMH) in partnership
with the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence. Contact NCDVTMH for specialized technical assistance and training on this and related topics.

A cross-section of a tree reveals its story as told by the pattern of growth rings, reflecting the climatic conditions in which the tree grew year by year, and documenting injuries sustained throughout its life. Much in the same way, humans experience periods of trauma and resilience over the course of our lifespans. A trauma-informed approach seeks to understand the ways in which these experiences shape us.

 

INTRODUCTION | BACK TO TOP

In the past 30 years, there has been a profound shift in understanding about the impact of trauma on individuals, families, and society. A growing number of studies have documented the impact of trauma on the brain and have demonstrated that violence and trauma can affect our physical health, mental health, and relationships with others (Felitti, Anda, Nordenberg, et al, 1998; De Bellis, Van Dillen, 2005; Classen, Pain, Field, Woods, 2006; Lanius, Bluhm, Lanius, Pain, 2006;Lyons-Ruth, Dutra, Schuder, Bianchi, 2006; McEwen, 2006; Nemeroff, 2004; van der Kolk, Roth, Pelcovitz, Sunday, Spinazzola, 2005; Yehuda, 2006). At the same time, research on trauma and resilience, combined with what we have learned from the experiences of survivors, advocates, and clinicians has begun to clarify helpful ways to respond, both within and across cultures and communities. This emerging body of knowledge offers information that can be helpful to the domestic violence (DV) field in its work with survivors and their children.

Building on over 20 years of work in this area, the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health (NCDVTMH) has put into practice a framework that integrates a trauma-informed approach with a DV victim advocacy lens. The term trauma-informed is used to describe organizations and practices that incorporate an understanding of the pervasiveness and impact of trauma and that are designed to reduce retraumatization, support healing and resiliency, and address the root causes of abuse and violence (NCDVTMH 2013 adapted from Harris and Fallot 2001). The resources compiled in these linked collections reflect this integrated perspective.

The goals of this Special Collection series are to provide:

  • Basic information about the different ways in which trauma can affect individuals and to highlight current research on effective ways to respond to trauma;
  • Practical guidance on developing trauma-informed DV programs and services; and
  • Resources that will help support collaboration between DV programs, and mental health, substance abuse, and other social services agencies and that will increase awareness about trauma treatment in the context of DV.

A Note About Gender: Intimate partner violence perpetrated by men against their female partners is epidemic. At the same time, whatever a person’s gender or their partner’s gender, they may experience intimate partner violence, and gendered language can minimize the experiences of many survivors. We have attempted to use language in this Special Collection that reflects our analysis of gender oppression and other forms of oppression, as well as our commitment to serving all survivors of domestic violence.

The mission of the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health is to develop and promote accessible, culturally relevant, and trauma-informed responses to domestic violence and other lifetime trauma so that survivors and their children can access the resources that are essential to their safety and well-being. NCDVTMH provides training, support, and consultation to advocates, mental health and substance abuse providers, legal professionals, and policymakers as they work to improve agency and systems-level responses to survivors and their children.

 

DEFINITIONS | BACK TO TOP

The following terms are used by victim advocates, service providers, policymakers, researchers, and academics working at the intersection of trauma and domestic violence. Being familiar with the meaning of these terms will deepen your understanding of the field and make it easier to communicate with others about trauma and trauma-informed services. The "jump to" box below will take you to full definitions that are listed at the end of this collection.

Jump to:

  1. Individual Trauma
  2. Collective, Organizational, and Community Trauma
  3. Historical Trauma
  4. Intergenerational Trauma
  5. Insidious Trauma
  6. Trauma-Informed
  7. Trauma-Specific
  8. Triggering
  9. Retraumatization
  10. Revictimization
  11. Secondary Traumatic Stress (Vicarious Trauma)
  12. Compassion Fatigue
  13. Resilience
  14. Reflective Practice
  15. Peer Support and the Peer Movement

FRAMEWORK AND PHILOSOPHY | BACK TO TOP

Being abused can affect how we feel, think, and respond to other people and the world around us. It can also increase our risk for developing mental health and substance abuse conditions. Experiencing multiple forms of abuse and oppression over the course of our lives can further increase these risks. At the same time, stigma associated with substance abuse and mental illness allows abusers to use these issues to increase their control over their partners, undermine them in custody battles, and discredit them with friends, family, and the courts, underscoring the importance of ensuring that responses to survivors are both DV- and trauma-informed (Warshaw, Moroney, & Barnes, 2003; Briere, Woo, McRae, Foltz & Sitzman, 1997; Goodman, Dutton, & Harris, 1997; Warshaw et. al, 2009; Jacobson, 1989; Lipschitz et al, 1996; Goodman, Dutton, Harris, 1995; Friedman & Loue, 2007).

 

A TRAUMA-INFORMED APPROACH
Over the past three decades, as knowledge about trauma has increased, there has been a significant reassessment of the ways mental health symptoms are understood. We now have a better understanding of the role that abuse and violence play in the development of mental health and substance abuse conditions. Trauma-informed approaches reflect an understanding that “symptoms” may be survival strategies­­—adaptations to intolerable situations when real protection is unavailable and a person’s coping mechanisms are overwhelmed. Trauma-informed approaches focus on resilience and strengths as well as psychological harm. They also reflect an awareness of the impact of this work on providers and emphasize the importance of organizational support and provider self-care (Warshaw, Brashler & Gill, 2009; van der Kolk, Roth, Pelcovitz, Sunday, & Spinazzola, 2005; Saakvitne, Gamble, Pearlman, & Lev, 2000).

With the growing understanding that the majority of people seeking services in domestic violence, as well as mental health, substance abuse, and other service settings have experienced interpersonal trauma, an approach for integrating this awareness into practice has evolved. Using a trauma-informed approach has come to mean that everyone working in a service setting understands the impact of trauma in a similar way and shares certain values and goals, and that all the services and supports that are offered are designed to prevent retraumatization and to promote healing and recovery. For us, it also means thinking about people within the entire context of their lives and experiences; ensuring that our services are welcoming, inclusive and culturally attuned; and working together to address the underlying causes of oppression and abuse (Harris & Fallot, 2001; Warshaw, Brashler, & Gill, 2009; Kimerling, Alvarez, Pavao, Kaminski, & Baumrind, 2007; Golding, 2000).

Like DV victim advocacy, the trauma-informed movement within the mental health services field has historical roots in social and political advocacy. For over a hundred years, people diagnosed with mental illnesses (many of them women) fought to protect their rights and resisted what they saw as the "medicalization" of women’s issues (Levin, Blanch and Jennings, 1998). The mental health advocacy movement laid the groundwork for the adoption of trauma-informed approaches in the mental health system. Most recently, trauma-informed approaches are surfacing in hospitals and health clinics, classrooms and daycare settings, child welfare programs, homeless shelters, and job training programs.

Combining a trauma-informed approach with a DV victim advocacy perspective provides a more integrated framework for working with survivors. This framework can serve as a powerful tool for bridging perspectives and building collaboration between fields. See Thinking about Trauma in the Context of DV Advocacy: An Integrated Approach by the NCDVTMH (2013).

 

RESEARCH ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, TRAUMA, AND MENTAL HEALTH | BACK TO TOP

A large body of research has documented the links between abuse and mental health, while advances in the fields of traumatic stress, child development, and neuroscience have generated new models for understanding the impact of trauma on survivors of domestic violence and their children. These findings, particularly when grounded in survivor and advocacy perspectives, provide new insights into the effects of interpersonal abuse across the lifespan and suggest new strategies for support.

Intimate partner violence is associated with a wide range of mental health consequences. Those who have been diagnosed with mental health and/or substance abuse conditions or who are experiencing psychiatric disability are at greater risk for abuse, and abusers may use their partners mental health or substance abuse condition to undermine and control them. Included in this subsection are some background materials on the relationships between domestic violence, mental health, and trauma.

  • Intimate Partner Violence and Lifetime TraumaPDF (6 p.)
    by Carole Warshaw for the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health (May 2011)
    This article reviews available research exploring the link between histories of physical and sexual abuse in childhood and intimate partner violence victimization in adulthood.
    + View Summary
  • Prevalence of Intimate Partner Violence and Other Lifetime Trauma among Women Seen in Mental Health SettingsPDF (6 p.)
    by Carole Warshaw for the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health (May 2011)
    This document provides a brief review of the available research documenting the prevalence of lifetime abuse among women receiving mental health services.
    + View

RESEARCH ON INCIDENCE, PREVALENCE, AND IMPACT OF TRAUMA | BACK TO TOP

Epidemiological research studies have measured the incidence and prevalence of violence and trauma in various populations, and findings of these studies confirm what those working in the domestic violence field have long known: that women and children in the United States face a high level of social and interpersonal violence.

The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) clearly documents the high rates of domestic violence and sexual assault experienced by women in the United States, as well as the traumatic health and mental health effects of gender-based violence, and the fact that the majority of victimization begins early in life.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study, the largest epidemiological study ever done in the United States, has documented the high rates of childhood adversity experienced by adults in this country as well as the strong relationships between childhood trauma and a range of consequences in adulthood, including health and mental health conditions, substance abuse disorders, and a higher risk of experiencing abuse in adulthood, including domestic violence. This study also demonstrates that many people have multiple types of traumatic experiences, and that the impact of trauma is cumulative: the more types of trauma experienced, the higher the risk of more serious consequences. At the same time, many factors can help to mitigate these effects, including a person’s resiliencies and strengths as well as access to social supports.

Learning about the cumulative impact of trauma within a framework that recognizes strengths and resiliency can help survivors to make sense of the ways they have been affected and to recognize the strengths and skills it took to survive their experiences.

Centers for Disease Control National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS)
This website presents the NISVS data in a number of different formats. The study not only highlights the prevalence of domestic and sexual violence in the United States but also the differential impact on women, including significantly higher rates of fearfulness, PTSD, concerns for safety, injury, and need for DV advocacy services.

National Center for Children Exposed to Violence
This website, hosted by the Yale Child Study Center, provides statistics on the number of children who witness domestic violence every year, the impact of witnessing DV, and strategies for effective response. It includes similar information on other types of violence children experience including community violence, school violence and media violence. It also includes a list of relevant books and journal articles.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study & Website
This website provides basic information about the ACE study, the largest epidemiological study ever done in the United States. The ACE study has documented extremely strong relationships between childhood trauma and a whole range of consequences in adulthood, including health conditions, mental health and substance abuse disorders, a higher risk of experiencing trauma and abuse including domestic violence, and premature death. The website provides a tool to calculate your ACE score in six languages; frequently asked questions about the ACE study; and contact information for potential speakers.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Website, ACE Study Page
This website provides information on the major findings of the ACE study, including prevalence data in three major ACE categories (abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction), and demographic information on ACE study participants. It also includes a list of peer-reviewed journal articles based on ACE study findings organized by subject, including a section on interpersonal violence.

 

NEUROBIOLOGICAL AND CLINICAL RESEARCH ON TRAUMA | BACK TO TOP

Neurobiological research has shed light on the impact of adversity and chronic stress on the brain. When an individual perceives a threat to her or his safety, a complex set of chemical and neurological events known collectively as the "stress response" is triggered. Over time, survival responses that are adaptive in dangerous situations (e.g., shutting down, constantly surveying the room for danger, expecting to fight or run away at a moment’s notice) may occur whether or not danger is present. People who have experienced trauma may also become less able to regulate arousal and emotional responses. Being aware of the neurobiology of trauma can help advocates to better understand the effects of trauma on survivors and on themselves. Research on the effects of trauma on the developing brain can also help inform our responses to the needs of children exposed to DV, as well as to adult survivors who may have experienced trauma earlier in life.

Center on the Developing Child
Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child provides a wealth of information on child development and the effects of abuse and neglect on the developing brain.

Promising Futures: Best Practices for Serving Children, Youth, and Parents Experiencing Domestic Violence
This new website was developed by Futures Without Violence, formerly the Family Violence Prevention Fund, and is designed to help domestic violence victim advocates enhance their programming for children and their mothers. If you are just starting to think about how your program’s policies could better reflect an equal commitment to mothers and children, or you have been delivering holistic services for all family members for years, this website has information and tools that can help you advance your practice. More specifically, it includes a report on 16 Trauma-Informed, Evidence-Based Recommendations for Working with Children Exposed to Domestic Violence.

Trauma Information Pages
Trauma Information Pages focus on emotional trauma and traumatic stress, including PTSD and dissociation, whether following individual traumatic experience(s) or a large-scale disaster. The purpose of this site is to provide information for clinicians and researchers in the traumatic-stress field. This site includes selected full-text articles about trauma—versions of preprints, published articles, and chapters on a variety of trauma-related topics.

  • The Amazing Brain: Trauma and the Potential for HealingPDF (7 p.)
    by Linda Burgess Chamberlain for The Institute for Safe Families (2008)
    Designed specifically for parents and caregivers, this resource describes how the brain works, how it is affected by trauma, and how it can heal.
    + View Summary
  • A Science-Based Framework for Early Childhood Policy: Using Evidence to Improve Outcomes in Learning, Behavior, and Health for Vulnerable ChildrenPDF (36 p.)
    by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (August 2007)
    Combining knowledge from neuroscience, behavioral and developmental science, economics, and 40 years of early childhood program evaluation, the authors provide an informed, nonpartisan, pragmatic framework to guide policymakers toward science-based policies that improve the lives of young children and benefit society as a whole.
    + View Summary
  • In Brief: The Science of Early Childhood DevelopmentPDF (2 p.)
    by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University
    This edition of the InBrief series addresses basic concepts of early childhood development, established over decades of neuroscience and behavioral research, which help illustrate why child development—particularly from birth to five years—is a foundation for a prosperous and sustainable society.
    + View Summary
  • InBrief: The Impact of Early Adversity on Children's DevelopmentPDF (2 p.)
    by Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University
    This edition of the InBrief series outlines basic concepts from the research on the biology of stress which show how major adversity can affect developing brain architecture and reset the body's stress response system to high alert.
    + View Summary
  • In Focus: Understanding the Effects of Maltreatment on Early Brain Development National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect InformationPDF (13 p.)
    by the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information (October 2001)
    This document is an easy to understand review of how the brain develops, the effects of maltreatment on brain development, and implications for policy and practice.
    + View Summary
  • Trauma Annotated BibliographyHTML
    by the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
    This annotated bibliography on trauma was peer reviewed by the ISSTD and represents a thoughtful summary of what are believed to be salient information in the articles noted.
    + View Summary
  • The PILOTS DatabaseHTML
    by the US Department of Veteran’s Affairs (2007)
    The Published International Literature on Traumatic Stress (PILOTS) Database is an electronic index to the worldwide literature on PTSD and other mental health consequences of exposure to traumatic events.
    + View Summary

RESEARCH ON RESILIENCE | BACK TO TOP

Resiliency is our inherent capacity to make adaptations that result in positive outcomes in spite of serious threats or adverse circumstances. Experience working with survivors and research on resiliency show that there are some factors that appear to support and enhance our resiliency. Having a supportive community, whether through one's family, neighborhood, school, church, sports activities, or hobbies, is one factor that supports resiliency. A feeling of being valued and belonging is important, as well as being able to engage other people in positive ways. For children, factors that support resiliency include the response of caregivers and other caring adults who take an interest in the child and his or her development, sees him or her as a separate person, and helps him or her develop the ability to cope.

  • Ordinary Magic: Resilience Processes in DevelopmentPDF (12 p.)
    by Ann S. Masten for the American Psychologist (March 2001)
    This article concludes that resilience is made of ordinary rather than extraordinary processes, offering a more positive outlook on human development and adaptation, as well as direction for policy and practice aimed at enhancing the development of children at risk for problems and psychopathology.
    + View Summary
  • Disaster Preparation and Recovery: Lessons from Research on Resilience in Human DevelopmentPDF (16 p.)
    by Ann S. Masten and Jelena Obradović for Ecology and Society (2008)
    While this paper focuses on resilience in the face of disaster, it also provides a helpful overview of the resilience research literature. The authors build on four decades of theory and research on resilience in human development to offer lessons for planning disaster response and recovery, lessons that are also relevant for domestic violence survivors and their children.
    + View Summary
  • Resilience BibliographyHTML
    by the Child Witness to Violence Project
    This page provides a bibliography of resilience research articles of particular relevance for children exposed to DV. Links to full text are available for some of the articles.
    + View Summary
  • Promoting resilience: Helping young children and parents affected by substance abuse, domestic violence, and depression in the context of welfare reformPDF (23 p.)
    Children and Welfare Reform Issue Brief No. 8 by Jane Knitzer for the National Center for Children in Poverty (February 2000)
    This is Issue Brief #8 in a series based on a growing body of research that suggests that successful policies for families must take into account the needs of children when addressing the needs of parents and the needs of parents when addressing the needs of children.
    + View Summary
  • Building Resilience: The Power to Cope With AdversityPDF (2 p.)
    by William R. Beardslee, Mary Watson Avery, Catherine C. Ayoub, Caroline L. Watts, and Patricia Lester for Zero to Three (2010)
    This resource provides a synopsis of resiliency capabilities within the individual child, family, caregiving, and community levels. It states children who have grown up in challenging environments are still capable of engaging in age-appropriate activities, relating to others, and understanding their family life.
    + View Summary
  • Positive Changes Following AdversityPDF (8 p.)
    by Stephen Joseph and Lisa D. Butler for the National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (Summer 2010)
    This issue focuses on positive change following adversity or the concept of posttraumatic growth. It provides a summary and analysis of research in this burgeoning area that brings together research from the trauma and positive psychology fields, offering another way to look at traumatic experiences focusing on the positive changes and growth that can ensue.
    + View Summary

KEY ORGANIZATIONS | BACK TO TOP

The following list includes key national organizations that provide information on trauma and domestic violence or assistance in implementing trauma-informed approaches. All of the sites listed have a public service mission and speak to a wide variety of audiences.

Domestic Violence and Trauma

National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health
The mission of the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health (NCDVTMH) is to develop and promote accessible, culturally relevant, and trauma-informed responses to domestic violence and other lifetime trauma so that survivors and their children can access the resources that are essential to their safety and well-being.

Academy on Violence and Abuse
The Academy on Violence and Abuse (AVA) was formed in order to help strengthen the capacity of the healthcare community to provide the best possible care to those whose health is adversely affected by violence and abuse, and to prevent future occurrences of violence and abuse in society. Most of the trauma-related information on this website relates to the developmental effects of trauma on children.

Trauma and Trauma-Informed Services
The following organizations provide information and assistance on trauma-related topics relevant to the work of domestic violence programs and services. Organizations included focus on trauma-informed care broadly rather than promoting a single model.

National Center for Trauma-Informed Care (NCTIC)
NCTIC is a Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)-sponsored national center focusing on the implementation of trauma-informed approaches across a variety of health and human services.

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN)
Established by Congress in 2000 and funded by SAMHSA, NCTSN is a collaboration of academic and community-based service centers whose mission is to raise the standard of care and increase access to services for traumatized children and their families across the United States.

The Indian Country Child Trauma Center (ICCTC)
The Indian Country Child Trauma Center (ICCTC) was established to develop trauma-related treatment protocols, outreach materials, and service delivery guidelines specifically designed for American Indian and Alaska Native (AI/AN) children and their families. It is part of the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, funded by the Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) under the National Child Traumatic Stress Initiative.

National Center for Children Exposed to Violence
The mission of the NCCEV is to increase the capacity of individuals and communities to reduce the incidence and impact of violence on children and families; to train and support the professionals who provide intervention and treatment to children and families affected by violence; and, to increase professional and public awareness of the effects of violence on children, families, communities and society.

The ACEs Connection
The ACEs Connection is a social networking site for people involved in implementing trauma-informed approaches across the country. The site offers regularly updated information about innovations in trauma-informed services, upcoming events, and advancements in knowledge and practice.

The Anna Institute (formerly the Anna Foundation)
This site is dedicated to Anna Jennings, an artist and sexual abuse survivor who took her own life after being repeatedly misdiagnosed by the mental health system. The site includes much of her artwork as well extensive resources on trauma and trauma-informed care.

Specialized Information and Assistance
The following organizations offer information on specific issues that may be relevant to the work of some domestic violence programs and services.

GAINS Center
SAMHSA’s GAINS Center focuses on expanding access to community-based services for adults diagnosed with co-occurring mental illness and substance use disorders at all points of contact with the justice system.

National Center for PTSD
The National Center for PTSD is a center of excellence for research and education on the prevention, understanding, and treatment of PTSD. The National Center for PTSD may be of interest to domestic violence programs and service providers working with current and former members of the military.

National Disaster Technical Assistance Center (DTAC)
SAMHSA’s Disaster Technical Assistance Center (DTAC) assists States, Territories, Tribes, and local entities with all-hazards disaster behavioral health response planning that allows them to prepare for and respond to both natural and human-caused disasters. DTAC may be of particular interest to domestic violence programs and services with a focus on trauma-informed disaster planning and response.

Department of Defense Family Advocacy Program
The Family Advocacy Program (FAP), managed by the Office of the Secretary of Defense and implemented by the military services, provides resources for families experiencing child abuse and domestic abuse, including prevention services, early identification and intervention, support for victims, and treatment for offenders.
*See the related VAWnet Special Collections: Sexual Violence in the Military and The Intersection of Domestic Violence and the Military.

REFERENCES | BACK TO TOP

  • References: Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence Services | PDF (7 p.)
    by the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health for the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (April 2013)
    This list provides bibliographic references for the 3-part VAWnet Special Collection series, Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence Services.
    + View Summary

DEFINITIONS | BACK TO TOP

1. Individual Trauma. Trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring condition in which the individual experiences a threat to life or to her or his psychic or bodily integrity, and experiences intense fear, helplessness, or horror. A key aspect of what makes something traumatic is that the individual’s coping capacity and/or ability to integrate their emotional experience is overwhelmed. Trauma often impacts individuals in multiple domains, including physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual (Giller, 1999; Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995; van der Kolk & Courtois, 2005).

2. Collective, Organizational, and Community Trauma. The terms collective trauma, organizational trauma, and community trauma refer to the impact that traumatic events can have on the functioning and culture of a group, organization, or entire community (e.g., the effects of the 1999 Columbine High School shooting, Hurricane Katrina, and the 9/11 terrorist attacks on their respective communities).

3. Historical Trauma. Historical trauma refers to cumulative emotional and psychological wounding over the lifespan and across generations, emanating from massive group trauma experiences. Understanding historical trauma means recognizing that people may carry deep wounds from things that happened to a group with which they identify, even if they did not directly experience the event themselves. Historical trauma follows from events such as the colonization of generations of Indigenous Peoples, the enslavement of Africans and their descendants, and the losses and outrages of the Holocaust. While the term refers to events that occurred in the past, it is important to remember that for many communities the trauma or oppressive conditions associated with the historical trauma have been institutionalized and are ongoing (Packard, 2012; BigFoot, 2000; Willmon-Haque & BigFoot, 2008, Braveheart, 1999).

4. Intergenerational Trauma. Intergenerational trauma refers to the effects of harms that have been carried over in some form from one generation to the next. The concept is similar to historical trauma, although it is frequently used to refer to trauma that occurs within families rather than in larger (e.g., racial, ethnic, cultural, or religious) groups.

5. Insidious Trauma. Insidious trauma refers to the daily incidents of marginalization, objectification, dehumanization, intimidation, et cetera that are experienced by members of groups targeted by racism, heterosexism, ageism, ableism, sexism, and other forms of oppression, and groups impacted by poverty. Maria Root, who coined the term insidious trauma described the concepts as follows:"Traumatogenic effects of oppression that are not necessarily overtly violent or threatening to bodily well-being at the given moment but that do violence to the soul and spirit. " (Root 1992; Brown & Ballou, 1992)

6. Trauma-Informed. A trauma-informed program, organization, system, or community is one that incorporates an understanding of the pervasiveness of trauma and its impact into every aspect of its practice or programs. In such settings, understanding about trauma is reflected in the knowledge, attitudes, and skills of individuals as well as in organizational structures such as policies, procedures, language, and supports for staff. This includes attending to culturally specific experiences of trauma and providing culturally relevant and linguistically appropriate services. It also includes recognizing that not only are the people being served potentially affected by trauma but that staff members may be as well.

Central to this perspective is viewing trauma-related responses from the vantage point of "what happened to you" rather than "what’s wrong with you," recognizing these responses as survival strategies, and focusing on survivors’ individual and collective strengths. Trauma-informed programs are welcoming and inclusive and based on principles of respect, dignity, inclusiveness, trustworthiness, empowerment, choice, connection, and hope. They are designed to attend to both physical and emotional safety, to avoid retraumatizing those who seek assistance, to support healing and recovery, and to facilitate meaningful participation of survivors in the design, implementation, and evaluation of services. Supervision and support for staff to safely reflect on and attend to their own responses and to learn and grow from their experiences is another critical aspect of trauma-informed work.

The term trauma-informed services was originally coined by Maxine Harris and Roger Fallot in their edited book, Using Trauma Theory to Design Service Systems (2001) and has been adapted by multiple writers and in multiple service settings. This working definition by NCDVTMH is adapted specifically for the DV field and incorporates some of the original elements as well as other elements and concepts critical to our work with survivors.

7. Trauma-Specific. The term trauma-specific refers to interventions or treatments designed to facilitate recovery from the effects of trauma. There are a number of promising and evidence-based treatment modalities that address PTSD and other trauma-related conditions (e.g. depression, substance abuse, complex PTSD), although few have been designed specifically for domestic violence survivors. Trauma-specific services, while intended to address the consequences of trauma, may not always be trauma-informed. In other words, they may focus on treating trauma symptoms without necessarily being attuned to the experience of trauma or ways the service setting and processes may themselves be retraumatizing (Harris & Fallot, 2001; Warshaw, Brashler & Gill, 2009; Warshaw, Sullivan & Rivera, 2012).

8. Triggering. A trigger is something that evokes a memory of past traumatizing events including the feelings and sensations associated with those experiences. Encountering such triggers may cause us to feel uneasy or afraid, although we may not always realize why we feel that way. A trigger can make us feel as if we are reliving a traumatic experience and can elicit a fight, flight or freeze response. Many things can be a possible trigger for someone. A person might be triggered by a particular color of clothing, by the smell of a certain food, or the time of year. Internal sensations can be triggers, as well. Once we become aware of triggers, we might feel an impulse to "get rid of all possible triggers. " Of course, we will avoid violent images or angry tones in our speech and try to make the environment calm. However, there will always be trauma triggers that we cannot anticipate and cannot avoid. Part of trauma-informed work is supporting survivors as they develop the skills to manage trauma responses both in our service settings and elsewhere in the world (National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health).

9. Retraumatization. Retraumatization occurs when any situation, interaction, or environmental factor is itself traumatic or oppressive in a way that also replicates events or dynamics of prior traumas and evokes feelings and reactions associated with the original traumatic experiences. Retraumatization may compound the impact of the original experience.  

10. Revictimization. Experiencing abuse—including physical or sexual abuse or sexual assault—increases our risk of experiencing violence or abuse in the future. Revictimization may occur in a similar or different context. When examining the prevalence of revictimization, it is important to consider the social context and the factors that put people at greater risk for being victimized (Kimerling, Alvarez, Pavao, Kaminski, & Baumrind, 2007; Lindhorst & Oxford, 2008; Classen, Palesh, Aggarwa,l 2005).

11. Secondary Traumatic Stress (Vicarious Trauma). Secondary traumatic stress (sometimes called vicarious trauma) refers to the emotional effects that can occur when an individual bears witness to the trauma experiences of another. For example, DV victim advocates may experience secondary traumatic stress from listening empathically to survivors recounting their stories. Individuals affected by secondary traumatic stress may themselves experience trauma-related responses as a result of the indirect trauma exposure or may find themselves re-experiencing trauma that they have experienced in their own lives. The cumulative effects of secondary traumatic stress may be seen in both professional and personal life.

12. Compassion Fatigue. Compassion fatigue is a related term used to describe exhaustion and desensitization to violent and traumatic events encountered in professional work or in the media. Both secondary traumatic stress and compassion fatigue can result from bearing witness and connecting empathically to another person’s experience and being emotionally present in the face of intense pain (Pearlman and Saakvitne, 1995; Prescott, personal communication, 2005).

13. Resilience. Resiliency is our inherent capacity to make adaptations that result in positive outcomes in spite of serious threats or adverse circumstances. Experience working with survivors and research on resiliency show that there are some factors that appear to support and enhance our resiliency. Having a supportive community, whether through one's family, neighborhood, school, church, sports activities, or hobbies, is one factor that supports resiliency. A feeling of being valued and belonging is important, as well as being able to engage other people in positive ways, whether through one’s ability to relate to others or through one’s capacities and talents. For children, factors that support resiliency include the response of caregivers and other caring adults, namely having at least one person who takes an interest in the child and their development, sees them as a separate person, and helps them develop their ability to cope (Masten, 2001;Masten, 2009; Masten & Wright, 2009).

14. Reflective Practice. The term reflective practice was coined by Donald Schon, who described it as "the capacity to reflect on action so as to engage in a process of continuous learning." In our day-to-day work, reflective practice involves a process of mutual and ongoing learning in an organization. As an approach to supervision, it removes the authoritarian "top-down" focus of some administrative supervision, replacing it with a collaborative approach that allows the knowledge, expertise, and experience of program staff to be shared, strengthened, and applied to our mutual goal of increasing safety and empowerment for battered women and their children. In individual DV work, the advocate approaches all her encounters with survivors with a readiness to examine her own practice and to reflect with and about the survivor's needs and experience in order to meet the survivor's goals (Schon, 1983).

15. Peer Support and the Peer Movement. Peer support is a way for people from diverse backgrounds who share experiences in common to come together to build relationships in which they share their strengths and support each other’s healing and growth. Peer support promotes healing through taking action and by building relationships among a community of equals. It is not about "helping" others in a hierarchical way but about learning from one another and building connections. Mental health, substance abuse, and domestic violence all have strong traditions of peer support, although these traditions differ somewhat in their histories and their specific goals. In the mental health community, the peer movement is a term used to describe the political advocacy movement of people with mental health diagnoses who seek to increase their control over services and change laws limiting their rights (formerly called the consumer, ex-patient, or survivor movement). The peer support movement, however, does not focus on diagnoses but is rooted in compassion for oneself and others (Blanch, Filson, Penney, et al, 2012).

Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence Services Special Collection

In the last few years there has been incredible research and medical identification of trauma and measurement on the brain. The ACE studies opened the door for a shift in paradigm in the treatment of trauma on childhood abuse and domestic violence, also coined “complex trauma”. Years of enduring trauma in the “fight or flight” survival skills, in the trauma informed care approach, treats survivors from a strengths perspective and not one of a “fix” psycho-analytical “old-psych-school-voo-doo”.

In my research with the “trauma informed care approach” in domestic violence, I am pleasantly surprised to see that most of the new best policy's and practices are driven from the survivors perspective. And yes, it all from the loss of battered mothers children to the abuser when they file for divorce. Below is the framework for advocates and for survivors. What stands out the most to me is that throughout there is always a self check for the professionals and the organizations to change to meet the needs of those women and children who have endured years of trauma and abuse. Mothers, use this information to assist those who advocate for you, in and out of family court. The trauma informed care approach should be implemented in every setting. I am excited about the shifts in the paradigm to the “whole” and or holistic approach to trauma, specifically, Interpersonal and Family Violence (IPV) domestic violence & child abuse. The pendulum is swinging back.

xoxo –C

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Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence Services Special Collection

Source: National Center Domestic Violence & Trauma

Building on over 20 years of work, the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health(NCDVTMH) has put into practice a framework that integrates a trauma-informed approach with a DV victim advocacy lens. This new 3-part Special Collection, developed by NCDVTMH in collaboration with the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV), reflects this integrated perspective and brings together the resources on trauma and trauma-informed work that are most relevant to domestic violence programs and advocates, along with commentary from NCDVTMH to assist in putting this information into practice.


Part I

Understanding the Framework and Approach provides an overview of the framework and research supporting trauma-informed approaches to working with survivors and their children.


Part II

Building Program Capacity provides practical tools and resources on building capacity to implement trauma-informed programs.


Part III

Developing Collaborations and Increasing Access provides resources for building collaboration to ensure that survivors and their children have access to culture-, domestic violence- and trauma-informed mental health and substance abuse services.


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“Using a trauma-informed approach has come to mean that everyone working in a service setting understands the impact of trauma in a similar way and shares certain values and goals, and that all the services and supports that are offered are designed to prevent retraumatization and to promote healing and recovery.”

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Sunday, April 14, 2013

A Nation of motherless children?

A Nation of Motherless Children? | Janie McQueen, Author and Divorce Gamesmanship Expert

A Nation of Motherless Children?
http://janiemcqueen.com/a-nation-of-motherless-children/

"In some of the more severely manipulated cases, the tables were turned on mothers who sought to protect their children from abusive fathers; they were punished in family court and by the abusive parent.

Many are limited to a couple hours’ supervised visitation every two weeks. They don’t have the privilege of shaking on the bleachers with the rest of us, who naturally take such excursions for granted. Many times there’s a protective order that would keep them from attending even public events such as this, when all they long to do is see their children in action, and enjoy a game to break up a brutal week of missing their children.

...What kind of man goes to every length and expense possible to deny his children a healthy, some would say critical, portion of motherly love in their lives? Or not even that–what kind of man begrudges his ex any meaningful contact with her own children? Is this not evidence he could be lacking as a father? If not, why? Sorry about that failed relationship, man, but the children from it remain. Lucky you to have a magic wallet to make it all go away.

It’s time to stop treating kids as chattel instead of children."

Janie McQueen's Book on How Family Court Is A Game:
Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the New Divorce Gamesmanship, and How a Scratch Can Land You in Jail

In this daring, groundbreaking book, journalist Janie McQueen unveils the truth behind the "new divorce gamesmanship"--vicious tactics that thrust victims into complex webs of legal tangles that destroy spirits and hobble divorce cases.

These surprisingly common--and legally deadly--ploys can and often lead to criminal charges and trials, lingering records, heartbreaking child custody battles, embarrassing distortion campaigns, and even unemployment as employers increasingly trawl the Internet for background checks.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Memories: Past, Present, Future

Leaving The War Zone: A Battered Mothers Memoirs For He Daughter

Chapter 8 Memories, Past, Present, Future

Mother, daughter and granddaughter.

A strong and powerful maternal bond created by God

for mothers and daughters only. 

 

A  Mother Hold’s

Her Daughters Heart Forever

   

 

Nineteen and half years, that’s how long I have lived in hell on earth. I was four months pregnant when I was first hit. Pregnant with my dear daughter at age 30 a pregnancy that I was told I could never get pregnant-- one I would never have, one that proved to be life threatening not only to my daughter but to myself. Then, throw in all the stomach punches…. And as the pregnancy continued the violence only increased. Until Rikki was taken emergency c-section, the Dr’s saying - about my daughter “prepare, she may not live, in fact it highly unlikely”. You did. All legs no brown fat and several weeks in the neonate intensive care unit. You lived.

After your birth, nothing else mattered. I was determined focuses like no other and hence began the next 18 years. My fight to be free of torture, to free my child to believe in a beautiful world to raise her with the goal that there is no limits to what she can dream what she can do and who she is.

The most special and most beautiful person, born out of the ashes of pain and suffering to be a wholesome, loving smart and wise person.

 

I try to write to you. I try. There has been such a ‘block’. Awhile back I threw all the documents of court litigation away. (Most never scanned as it happened before the age of technology.) It was all my life, it was you. It was painful all the pain all the truth all the lies, I disposed of. Literally it filled a semi tractor trailer, representing millions of dollars - that is plural the millions - of the fight for simple justice that never came. The whole – “The truth will always win” - never came. Not in the hell of the judiciary any ways. Please always believe what the heart tells you there is baby an Ultimate Justice, a beautiful Justice and that Justice is eternal.

With putting the legal away (that part of life now over) I am now able to look at my memories before we were separated. It doesn’t hurt like it did. In fact I even smile. It is as it should be.

 

You are 18 now, as of December 12, 2012 -- but still you will be trapped until age 23. That is when my Social Security Disability payments will run out for your dad - as payee to you, my dependent child. At this date the amount is about $800.00 a month. But in order for him to keep it he must keep you, and so you will continue school in a local community college, still living under his control, his transportation his, his, his, his…

One day, you will leave - but only allowed - when he knows without a doubt - that his control remains complete - and that you will never think to attempt to reach out to your mother. But you will think-- and once gone your mind will begin to question (yes I know and unheard of thing - dare to question - but is normal) as no longer will the ‘punishment’ for thinking about your mom be physically there. It will be subconsciously - scary at first, as you have been conditioned like “Pavlov’s dogs” to avert all such thinking. Evan Stark writes about this in Coercive Control.

Do not be afraid baby, but at the same time do not push it. Let it happen as it may, let your defenses block when it is too painful. And for many years this is what will happen.

12111

12121 I too, am going through that. I had to - many years ago pack up all your photos, all the memories and store them in a place that was safe. Safe to not hurt me. Safe to survive, safe to continue the battle, to focus only on the task at hand. When I packed up all the legal documents unknown to me, eventually I was able to look at your photos, and was able to really see past all the red hot pain. I am currently trying to get all this up on line along with all the home videos Granny made, I still cannot watch those, the pain torturous. But slowly – literally as the years pass they are getting there. My goal to have it all up by your graduation. ( I can always view on line via mobile technology from anywhere in the world)

When you turned 18 December 12. 2012 - It was and I really did not expect this - was my freedom. The titanic was no longer chained to my neck; I no longer was gasping holding my head up for each and every breath. It felt good. To the normal person it would be like the child has grown, now let her go and let her spread her wings and fly--- fly high, fly free. Our mantra baby from all those years ago and here it is back again. It’s the beginning of your life and the last that I will be able to even watch you from a distance, like I have watched you grow quietly from the sidelines, just a blurred face, a stranger who was always there at all your events. Me - Your mother.

High School Track will be coming soon next month; I will be at every single track meet. Your last of High school. I plan to stay throughout them all - in years past the physical pain many times had forced me to leave before the end - most meets out of town lasting 8 hours on a cold hard bench. Since my lower back was kicked out of place, the vertebrae not breaking only twisting the pain of sitting standing becomes too much. But this year, I will sit front seat front row at all track meets.

After all, the last time I see the most beautiful woman in the world, my precious, my heart, my every breath - my daughter.

Then in May 2013 - your high school graduation. Again, I will be on the front row. I will not cower nor be intimidated or frightened. With your graduation a set of luggage, a new international cell phone, my 3 T external drive. I hope as well to finish the collage you and I started. It got ruined but will hand clean each and every image you and I placed then use new clean clear Hodge- Podge (the stuff I placed on it turned everything cloudy white L ) Not thinking how important they were – memories- I had mostly blown it off, I know that now they need preserved and finished with love.

When I met you in the parking lot of your school (27 seconds - after so many years of no contact) and gave to you all the stuff you had asked me to keep safe for you from all these years gone by – years before all our contact was ended, (you smiled like you would at a family reunion when meeting an uncle bob who gave you something— someone you may have met once in your life when you were 6) you were polite and with a smile you accepted your gift box….. all your stuff from granny - well the important limited edition stuff, heirlooms.

This is when I realized that you too had absolutely no memory. Of not of just the decades past but even from just a few years ago.

In talking with another mother who had contact w her daughter and even regained custody of her daughter, her daughter too has absolutely no memory of even a few years ago. This mother’s daughter started college out of state, the mother worried that the memories will come and incapacitate her. I thinking of you and even worst, no contact for the better part of the last 10 years of your life. No just hanging out with your mom, talking, laughing, shopping—doing everything and nothing, things that most mothers and daughters have. Each other.

111You were denied that. I had not died, so even worst to keep us apart words, hate and shock conditioning were implemented from the time my baby you were taken from your mother at age 6.

It was never that we feared each other—it was the fear of the punishment of seeing each other that we knew would happen. We feared it.

Again Evan Stark’s coercive control – that power of consequence, even when no longer does it exist—well for you now it does, but one day it will not, but the stripping of that autonomy will remain. You can read much about coercive control on the internet. I have met w Evan he is an amazing person. He also touches on the taking of a woman’s child as has happened with us as just one part of the coercive control. Human rights.

He explains where words cannot, it is not the single physical attack, and it is not so simple to just leave. It is a control that has never before been seen in any other crime victim, a control that long holds its victims’ across space and time.

 

The memories will come. One day. This is why I try to write now. So one day you can be validated set free from that pain. The mother above I was talking to - her daughter too. But she has her mom, although it is painful, when she should need to - her mother, she now knows and she will be ok.

My daughter, they have stripped away not only our autonomy but for you, all that is left is just another memory - of your mother. A memory that through the years has been chipped away and replaced with inaccurate and falseness. I can only say baby, that when you begin (and I will hopefully have released all else that holds me down by your graduation, will also mark the end and beginning for me) that I will be able to seriously leave the war zone and seriously write to my own distant memory. You my daughter.

I do not know you - but I do know the strength of the bonds of a mother and daughter. I know this from my own mother and I. We were the most close in the last 20 years, because of you J my momma was there when my heart opened, for the first almost 7 years of your life you were endowed with incredible beyond words, wise, compassion, strength wisdom and a love like no other.

 

I did not understand it then but my mother your granny had said “However you are at age 7 is exactly who you are as an adult” - this is your core platform. She was then preparing me for what she must have already foreseen… that we would not be together that justice would fail.

I miss my mom, I miss her terribly. Each spring I miss her more. As it always takes me to the ‘feel-good’ I had when we went home to Texas - cold in Kansas, swimming pool at granny’s J Home….. That’s where we were and the most peaceful time of my life, the constant laughter of you baby and granny, the amazing invisible but seen and amazingly felt - the strong bonds between you and granny. Two peas in a pod. Two hearts beating as one.

I know that all you had loved has been destroyed and replaced in your memories. I will try to put more up about the two of you—you and Granny. I think that your 1st know is the fact that if you have ever been told and then viciously dislike or think how evil or dangerous any one from your maternal family is—know that the worst—is actually the best. The more you were taught to fear someone the more that someone is very important and is to you. I would use that as a guide.

Incredible isn’t it? I as an old lady now, a smart one, even a psych nurse, could I have imagined the not only current placement of the years of torture but even the decades later. For you, for myself, for what was your maternal family. All but gone now. Granny, great gramps J he loved you so much! You him lol.

22

Memories, they are important when the mind is ready. No hurry no worry, just know that I unconditionally love you. When you were born my life changed, once a mother ALWAYS a mother, nothing else matters… everything I had ever done in my life the very full life as when I turned 18 I too was set free… and Baby I lived my life—the world was mine and I experienced it 100x more than the normal person… If I thought about something—I did it. J As for you my daughter - I wish this.

The sky is the limit!! I know that you recall that I used to sky dive… I know that for some reason you thought that was beyond cool. I guess looking back it was J but at the time it was just yet another of the beautiful things I experienced because I thought about it.. Think you want to do that. And do it - I did. You think it - baby girl and then it is yours – do it. Live life it really is a most amazing venture.

 

Then one day (I pray- a very long time away) you will become a mother. J and all that you have done will still be memories and there but as a mother God has connected you to your child and a daughter mother bond is even more profound because we are the creators of life, a magic if you will made into us, mother is humanity, that’s just how God made us and really baby although our experience has been nothing except harrowing, that golden thread is still there and one day we meet again and no words will be needed. Like I and my mother, we just picked up where we were…. (I had stopped talking to my mother ten years prior to your birth—I don’t even know why—some silly stupid-ness that seemed important when I was a bratty kid through the years I had long forgotten why--) But when we did meet, and Rikki it was you my darling, nothing else mattered.

 

My mother was and is my very best friend. The last time I saw her, I was able to see her as not just my friend, your granny but as a mother herself. The wooden statute – (I gave to you in your b-day box) a tree carving --- from the same tree branching into a mother and another branch into a daughter was the last xmas gift she gave me before she died. Instantly I loved it – thinking of you and I—and although my beautiful mother loved her daughter—me--- as I love my daughter –you. She said “You know, I too am a mother who loves her daughter more than anything”. My most treasured of all—but knowing that I needed for you to have this – as with all granny’s heirlooms- it was time to give to you.

tree

 

I will never forget the pain in her face when she gave it to me—not from the painful terminal illness that took her soon after. But of the pain she felt because she was powerless to stop the pain of her daughter. Myself. I boarded the plane to come back to Kansas to as granny said “Fight for my granddaughter”. That was the last time I saw her alive.

It was also the last time you and I -- 2nd and 3rd generation had any further contact.

Though out this past 18 years, we were allowed only a few supervised visits -in a year – many years not even that…. This is how you grew up. Perhaps with the paid hours of supervised visits maybe combined a Month? Then again perhaps not even that….. In all your 18 years.

But like granny said, we are bound and it is always there. All through eternity.

 

"Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the oppressed.

Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.

Sometimes we must interfere.”

- Elie Wiesel, Holocaust Survivor

www.AngelFury/org

www.AmericanMothersPoliticalParty.org