Dreams Every Mother Has Them
My heart hurts for you all. I am a mom I know the pain. I know there are no answers and I encourage you to to seek every avenue every idea, any group for knowledge, ideas and for peace.
I am going to make this one statement then be through with it, not us the moms of course, but the juvenile petty-ness of it.
I am over the post that Lundy did, I admit, like most all of you -- in fact I can say all the moms who live every day in agony, torment and walk the battlefields of the dead trying to help just one other bc the pain we have endured is beyond comprehension, that simple we have to try to help just one -- just one not endure what we have.
That has been my whole mantra all these years. Because of the brutality of my own situation, the continued brutality and the fact that I have lost everything -- my daughter, my sometimes hope, my fear that my daughters -- daughters will endure what I have - what we have.
That is why I so honestly put forth my case -- the good the bad, the ugly, the hope,the humility in the hopes to help another. All the media I did -- I did for my daughter -- but as example as well for others to show a way to shine in the deepest and darkest of pits.
Years ago -- after the 2005 PBS Documentary Breaking the Silence -- I found my mission. I did not need to see my daughter, hold my daughter I needed to change the world. I love her that much. (even more)
I shared my loss my pain my ideas, my fight or flight, my tears and in turn the mothers like I became my family. My mother died 4 years ago -- I wished that I too had, as then it became even more brutal. and with that I shared it all.I do not want fame I do not want glory -- I want what every other mother wants -- to not be forgotten, for when I am gone that my voice to shall be carried, All mothers even those who lash out at me are mothers who voices I carry. to me they are as much as we and the dead casualties of the war. I would gladly have my child and be quiet. Who doesn't right?
In 2005 I formed a support group that is still going strong with over 400 mothers, a direct result of the breaking the silence documentary. I have not been able to add more as in the past 4 years as I said my health has deteriorated. I had to find another way for the mothers to carry forward with the utmost of open minds, with safety common sense.. all I did I had hoped and I know has been example. The good and the bad.
So awareness, inundation became my goal. Get the info out to every one not just the advocate the moms but to the public to legislatures to EVERYONE!!
Rule of thumb -- Never leave any mother behind. When she falls (either through death or pain and finally does lose it -- she is a casualty of the war) This is what Mo was trying to say I believe to Barry about a mother who took her hurt out on him. Do not further diminish her, pick her up and keep walking -- This is why I always use the marine motto, Semper Fi - leave no mom behind. As I would hope to be carried as well.
I have broad shoulders so for many years I did this for other moms-- I carried the repercussions for them as if I was them because I am. The MAIN difference -- I have nothing left to lose. Nothing. So I can do, and be the person any one wants, to use for protection or as barrier.
Look, I know Lundy has done very awesome writings that have helped so many -- and again the rule of thumb is if it helps USE IT!! One is not dependent upon the other. Like my dear mom would say -- Take what you need, leave the rest. Never judge another mom her pain, her actions, and never actively set out to hurt her.
As Phyllis Chesler has written. Woman's inhumanity to women. Read her books. Read all you can!! Take what you need leave the rest.
And whew The liz library would really hurt feelings, but Change is what our goal is.
When the issues started 4 years ago JL, PMA, -- I, we, many tried to break through on behalf of the mothers who came to us with disturbing information. Perhaps it was nativity.
I know that Susan Murphy Milano and I tried so hard via radio to assist Janice in refocusing on the main mission. We did blogs we did radio ( and this was all during the time that we were at war per JL).
I never, brought her name forward even with all the other moms who were hurt by her as we were able to intervene with these moms safely.
But, when so many mothers got caught up in the Bill Windsor scam I to on behalf of those mothers who could not -- publicly got our story out - to balance the others - fathers, abusers.
My current active agenda is to assist others and many others who have been saved by the joeyisalittlekid blog mothers who went along with hating mothers whilst in the cult. Important thing is they are out. Now we have even more actively being targeted by actions -- not words that are of the utmost dangerous.
You see, I can no longer be hurt any more. Not really - although my heart breaks daily. Mothers still litigating have everything to lose. My mother also said to me. Do whatever you have to do to see her, because when that is gone - its gone. The final, that is then -- the end.
Such pain in seeing her supervised for so many years (all those years ago) -- such wrong messages sent to her -- but she was so young. To each mother: Only she knows her children her case best -- every decision she makes is the right one for her and her children at that time. It makes me- or others use of my name to confront these horrible situations -- for those moms who want and need to fight back but MUST be safe.
In January, things started getting really bad thanks to psycho fatt ass windsor. I and so many others were busting butt trying to do damage control on all the mothers he published.
Finally, I had to take a stand for the protection of mothers and warn them that this was definitely NOT the road to continue to pursue, (although we had to give it a try!) Assisting by quietly do nothing if you are still in the youtubes those who were already marked - desperately trying to secure their safety and psych and protect as best as we could after the devastation.
We all know that.
I never absolutely never publicly warned about Janice until she actively started to work with Bill in doing just that. Hunting moms down, personal info published homes, children, work, addresses, family, seeking the abusive ex for more ammo -- abusive court whores.
I could not even begin to imagine the complete shut down immobilizing fear of that -- along with the custody litigation with my child. So yes, I took as front point as I could 1st with my public statement in january.
In the hopes that he would stop publishing DV survivors and abused children.
What happened was some time thereafter Janice began to assist him in doing what we all knew Bill was doing. hurting mothers. Over and over again we tried to guide her intentions. But like the media Susan Murphy Milano I did a few years ago -- it was just not seen.
I had no choice when the two of them really began to hurt moms. When Mothers safety were compromised, I HAD to let it be known because lives were at risk and they still are. This is PRIORITY. Saving lives to save our children. Example - could you imagine the Stalking of Windsor on me with the assistance of janice if I were in custody litigation?? That is the situation with most all mothers.
To all the hurt, confused mothers who think sides must be taken -- they do not. There is no side except safety, and one goal. I have nothing more to say about PMA and JL other than to USE CAUTION!! Until or unless a time should come when I can safely say otherwise.
Please moms, with your beaten hearts, know that you never have to choose - I am always always with you... all. Those who lash out at me, those who feel they must separate -- they know I am here. I do not judge. I pray that mothers will gain a foothold up -- and by god do whatever you can to get there. Just (and I know the really beaten moms know this) never damn another mother, most certainly do not try to further hurt her. And should the day that PMA and or Janice become a safe harbor I will support that. Always my goal is the moms. I guess I am simple minded like that.
So I hope that this eases your weary hearts. No more drama - but live by a code. Which you all do. And even those who name - names, and talk smack on moms, protect yourself by all means but eventually they too will learn. Just like Lawless America followers -- so many who did not jump off that cliff.
I hope this eases your minds. Several have reached out - I feel your pain. Its ok. You are ok. And nothing has been damaged, only stronger.
Hope this made sense- hope this sets everyone back up moving in what they do best and those who wish to stay in that dark place can do so without my assistance, as we still have to change the world. we still must carry all those who have fallen will fall -- we have to make a difference.
So with that, let JL and others do or say what they may perhaps by our example she to will get it and really jump in and start changing the world for so many. I know many mothers who would assist her at any time.
So Janice, although I do not forgive you for the pain you have caused others, and the affidavit you gave windsor on my local court. I do have hope that perhaps you too will see that we can benefit with you in our movement -- the mothers. We do not have to like each other or anyone for that matter -- but appreciate what they have contributed. e.g. Such as Lundys earlier books. they are the bomb. ( I won't delve past that) :-)
Janice you really are in a position to help, I just wish that the structure of your groups were not so rigid. Dangerous to moms, I wish that some one could explain to you in a way you would accept as to why it is dangerous. I ask you to ask yourself, How can I make it better. For the Brass Ring - the ultimate goal. maybe? -- or not maybe some day.
Know that pain by others may/will be voiced, do not take it personal - it hurts. But the pain of the mother who like me is a pain that all other pains can be overcome for the cause.
On the AMPP Facebook Page, I want to thank the admins for continuing to put out such great resources, thank you for so that perhaps -- that maybe just one - one other, can endure less.
I am on the road to recovery - again. But Bills little whatever and all the rest are not significant to the grand picture -- unless like I -- you are still trying to help others from his relentless torture.
Call for safety and our ability to survive, mostly intact his damage to the cause, we as mothers are united in.
I love you all